Revelations

One interesting facet of Weight Loss Surgery is that as you travel down that road, you'll make new realizations about yourself. You might discover new talents. You might find that fear has held you back from doing many things that you've wanted to do. You might even notice that your personality changes somewhat as you become more confident and assertive with others. Revelations are a big part of this surgery, unexpected as they might be some time. Along the way, I've made some revelations both positive and negative and I'm sure that you will too as you travel along your journey.

One revelation that I've made along my way is indeed a negative. It took me to have weight loss surgery to discover that I have an eating disorder, specifically that I am a binge eater. I always attributed my "eating binges" to being hungry but not knowing what I was "in the mood" for, not realizing that I will binge for other reasons. I guess this goes back to the emotional aspects of eating that typically got us in trouble. Once you have this surgery (or any form of Weight Loss Surgery) it is initially like you are starting life anew and this issues go away for quite some time but be sure that one day, they will indeed rear their ugly head again whether it be one year out, two years, three years...

Eating disorders rarely go away. They just sort of linger in the background ready to bounce like a Bengal tiger. Mine certainly have come back.

Certainly the binges are smaller - thank goodness for that - having a smaller capacity stomach is a relief at these times...but I get that feeling of spiralling out of control, grazing needlessly, trying to fill up something that's never quite full emotionally. The stressors are still there - food is still there. To combine this binge eating with lack of exercise and you can imagine, I've gained a few pounds. These pounds are much deserved. You'd be shocked at how much binging can be like it was pre-op when the need strikes. It's scary some time.

Ever since the holidays though I've been doing amazingly well. I'm actually quite shocked. The week before Christmas I lost a couple of pounds. I went into "debt" of pounds before Christmas and pretty much managed to maintain that debt throughout the holidays. I'm sort of amazed at myself because I definitely DID eat during the holidays including a WHOLE BOX of Russell Stover chocolates! I'm really thrilled that I managed to maintain the loss.

For about the last week, I've also gotten back onto my treadmill doing 2-5 miles a day, and I can't believe how much more confident and happier I feel going back to my old routine. I did 4 miles almost religiously my first two years out. I've let myself go with exercising, constantly complaining of how tired I am with work. I feel much better now that I'm getting my ass going. I've lost so much muscle that I'm bummed about it - I've gotten so lazy that I abhor it. But now getting back on the treadmill really gives me a sense of pride and power once again..and yes, the pounds are coming off.

I just hope that once I get back to work next week, I can keep it up rather than give into my tempation to be lazy! Wish me luck!

Dawn